The Unworthy Saint

“Upon a life I did not live,
upon a death I did not die;
another’s life, another’s death,
I stake my whole eternity.”

-Horatius Bonar

I don’t want clean, comfortable and fake. I want vulnerability, accountability, heartbreak, nakedness, openness, love, listening, tears, hugs. I want gritty, dirty, messy. I want hurt and uncomfortable growth. I want real. I want all that in my bitches (Brothers In The Creator’s Hands).

“Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it.”

Hypothetical situation:

You no money at all. In fact, you have a debt of $10,000. Your friend Bob has $10,000. Your friend bob pays off your debt for you. All $10,000. Because he’s your best friend; because he loves you.

I suppose most of us would thank Bob for paying off our debt. Most of us would try to do something nice for him. Thank him repeatedly. But that’s not exactly what you do in this situation.

You thank Bob. Then you decide what he did was so great it deserves a permanent place in your life – so you design a symbol of the debt. You make a sign that reads “10k” and that sign serves as a reminder of what Bob did.

But let’s just say Bob comes over and says, “Hello friend, let’s go hang out.” You respond, eyes fixed on the 10k sign, with “Thanks for repaying the debt for me.” Bob stands there for a minute and says “You’re welcome. I appreciate your thankfulness, I’m glad you remember what I did, but let’s go hang out.” And again you respond, eyes fixed on the 10k sign, with “Thanks for repaying the debt.”

Wouldn’t that be frustrating for Bob? He’s glad you remember what he did but if that’s all you do, your friendship is then worthless to him.

Here’s the real life situation: Most American Christians are obsessed with the symbol of the cross. For many people it’s just a symbol of being a Christian. For some, when they look at it they actually remember what Christ did. But most Christians are stuck at one of those two places. Most Christians are stuck saying “I’m not worthy of the cross Lord. Thank you for what you’ve done.” And Christ is saying “you’re welcome, now come live life with me.” And most of us are still sitting, staring at the cross.

At best the cross is a reminder of the love of Christ. At the worst it’s a hang-up, a tripwire. We so easily make it into just a symbol of this group we belong to, or we hide behind our unworthiness, or we just sit and stare at the cross – we never recover and live.

I’ve certainly been guilty of all of this. It’s a struggle. I’m beginning to think all this cross stuff is idolatry. I really am. And I’m beginning to see that I need to remember what he did, but step out from behind the cross and start living with Christ in the here and now. I (and we) need to start living the way Christ is asking us to live – in the present.

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A side thought as I sat writing this – back long ago there was no cross, no visible symbol of what Christ did. Was there a Christian symbol in Christ’s day? Or was the symbol what you talked about and how you lived? Have Christians alienated people today because of the cross bearing? Have we segmented off from everyone else because we’ve hung crosses between us and the secular world? Is that really what we want to do? Be known as the cross people? Or do we want to be known for our love and compassion? Be known for our willingness to help and our positive outlook?

So… with God’s help I started something else new. A place to start is a place to start for people who want to pray. It’s my hope that this new project will help people with their communication with God.

See, the idea of God is hard. I know this and I’ve been a Christian since I was 5. The idea of talking to someone who is not physically in front of you, who you can’t see photos of, who you can’t directly hear a voice from, is tough for most people – especially non-Christians, I would imagine. And I know, even as a Christian, I sometimes have trouble talking to God when things get rough.

So the idea is that a place to start will be a place to go if you need a virtual hand to hold while you talk to God. A place where you can go when you can’t find the words to say. My hope is that it’ll be a place to start… but not dwell. It’s my hope that people will move past a place to start, and move into a relationship with God, or a church, or a prayer group.

But it is my hope that a place to start will give people a place to start with God. It’s my hope that God will use this project to bring people closer to him. God works in mysterious ways, perhaps He can work in this way too.

So if you pray, please pray for this project. Pray that God will use it and all the glory will go to him.

I want to pray naked.

No, not naked as in nude. Naked as in “bare my heart and mind and soul to God when I pray” naked. As in “be vulnerable” naked. No masks, no hiding, just the truth. And it’s hard. Since the day Adam started hiding from God, things just haven’t been the same for the human race. We all try to hide from God, but that’s not the way it’s supposed to be. God loves us for who we are, not what untruths we hide behind.

And I don’t pray as much as I should. I’m guilty of that sad fact. But I’m trying. And that’s partly why, the selfish part why, I started a myspace group called “I Pray Naked“.

The name “I Pray Naked” is pulled from a song entitled “Pray naked” from the album “Pray Naked” by the 77s. In that song they say “No matter who you are, no matter what you do, there’s only one thing I ask of you, and that’s if you pray, then when you pray, be naked prey. Pray naked.” And I like it. It’s inspiring. And so that’s the group’s name.

The point of the group is two fold. One is to encourage people to pray or pray more than they do and to be open to God when they pray – to lay it all out. The other is to take prayer requests of people on myspace and to pray for these people.

God willing, this group will expand and impact people’s lives.

I’m also trying to put together a group of people to help pray – to make sure all the prayer requests each week get prayed for. So if you’re interested in praying naked, please send me an email and let me know. I’d love for you to be part of the prayer team.

And if you’re on myspace, be sure you join the group…

“There’s nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.”

-Walter Wellesley “Red” Smith

My God has not blessed me with a a perfect memory, but a pen, paper and the opportunity to write.

A thought, concept, idea – not sure if I fully believe it but this is something I’m pondering:

If you want to make something famous kill it then resurrect it. I saw a new Dodge Charger on the road today. I’ve seen new Thunderbirds all over the place. Family Guy is bigger now than it ever was. These are things that were killed/discontinued then resurrected/brought back. Perhaps the most famous example of this was Jesus, but he wasn’t doing it for popularity sake.

I guess I just find it interesting that something can be mildly popular then after you kill it and bring it back it’s all the sudden something much bigger. And it can probably be explained by the buzz involved in killing something, and the buzz involved in the resurrection, but I still think the whole this is fascinating. I also find the Christ example interesting.

Eyes buried in the sand
Toes sinking slowly
The sun warming his skin
He stood, rocking ever-so-slightly
Back and forth and back again
Searching for the words
Searching for the words
Searching for the words…

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Written and spoken today – audio version available at only a boy.