The Unworthy Saint

In John 3:30, John the Baptist says “He must increase, but I [must] decrease.”

I love that verse, but my love for it is young. I have only truly realized the implications for a very short while.

If I should increase, the world, the people around me, even I, stand to gain nothing. In fact, I stand to do irrepairable damage if it is I who is to increase because I am evil.

However, if it is the Lord who is to increase, there is only love to gain. Only good can come from God because God is only good.

And sure I will loose part of “me”, but not a part I don’t mind losing or don’t need to lose. And I stand to gain everything that means anything. It is my prayer, just as John said, that He will increase and I will decrease.

FYI – my comments are now working again. I apologize to all who have tried to leave comments at my site lately, I was just informed today that they weren’t working. But it’s all fixed so comment away!

I don’t think self-confidence or self-esteem is biblical. Total reliance on God is biblical. Acknowledging that we have nothing if we don’t have God is biblical. Knowing we can’t do anything ourselves is biblical. Self-confidence and self-esteem both go against total reliance on God.

Self-esteem is defined as “Pride in oneself; self-respect.”

Now, we know pride is a sin. So many times, pride is what separates us from God. Self-respect is defined as “Due respect for oneself, one’s character, and one’s conduct.” Now, I wouldn’t have a problem with this definition of self-respect except for the “Due” part. Due implies deserving. I can’t figure out why I would deserve respect for myself, my character or my conduct, especially when I screw up so much. So self-esteem is out, it’s not godly.

Self-confidence is defined as “Confidence in oneself or one’s own abilities” and confidence can be defined as “freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities.”

Well, we’re nothing without God. We’re only sheep, as David says, who need a shepherd. Without a shepherd, what sheep will survive? I should have no confidence in myself apart from God – that’s the only thing I don’t have doubt about.

I always thought self-esteem, self-confidence were healthy. I guess I was wrong. But I don’t think this means I should hate myself or harm myself in any way. I do believe respect for God is biblical, as is respect for his creations – your self and other people, the earth etc… I just realize we can’t do this on our own. Thinking we can is blasphemous. Humility and respect for god is clearly the correct path.

(All definitions take from dictionary.com)

For some time I’ve known helping people is important to me, but up until now I never realized how important.

Volunteering isn’t something I’ve done much in the past. I was always scared I wouldn’t have anything good to offer. And I was scared of the commitment. But mostly, I was just scared of the unknown. I had no idea what it’d be like.

A month or so ago Ryan, a guy in our small group, suggested we volunteer at the church doing something small and seemingly insignificant. We could do it in teams, so it wouldn’t be as scary etc.. so I tried it. And I liked it. I loved it actually – enough I did it 3 Sundays in a row. Then something else came up this past weekend and I took that opportunity as well.

In this month I learned a few things: Volunteering isn’t scary. I don’t have to be “good” to volunteer, only willing. I can make a difference in peoples lives. Volunteering doesn’t necessarily involve commitment – I can make a difference in only a few hours one single day. When I’m doing something significant, thanks doesn’t matter as much as seeing the results of my actions – I don’t crave credit and praise, I get more out of the knowledge I’ve improved someone’s life just a little bit.

Through all of this I’m realizing, as my uncle put it, “(I’m) not the only person here on earth.” And it’s not that I didn’t know that, but I don’t think I knew it deep down. I will be doing more volunteer work in the future. I know it’s a passion, something I truly love. I thank God for bringing things in perspective for me. I can feel God changing my heart.

From Associated Press

DALLAS — A man squeezed through the sunroof of a Jaguar early Tuesday and opened fire with an assault rifle on another moving vehicle, killing three men and critically wounding a fourth, police said.

Authorities were searching for the gunman and two others who might have been riding in the light-colored Jaguar with fancy wheels, police said.

University Park Police Capt. Robert Brown said the shooting could have stemmed from a scuffle at a bar earlier. He said the shooter apparently waited for the other party to leave the bar, and then followed in the Jaguar. The shooting occurred around 2 a.m. on a highway frontage road near the Southern Methodist University campus, police said.

Killed were Eddie Pech, 36; and cousins Bernardo Andrade, 21; and Favio Andrade, 19, police said. Osvaldo Juarez, a juvenile whose age was not released, was listed in “very critical” condition.

“Apparently, there was a dispute on the dance floor in which somebody got hit or punched,” said Mike Turiace, who was tending bar at Jack’s Pub & Volley Ball Club. “The guy just got angry and decided to pursue it.”

A police officer waiting at a traffic light at the intersection witnessed the shootings and stopped to help, Dallas Police Sgt. Gil Cerda said. Police policy prohibited the officer from pursuing the fleeing Jaguar because he had a prisoner from an unrelated case in his back seat.

Investigators found and impounded a Jaguar they suspected was involved in the shooting, University Park Police Capt. E.L. Holman said.

Turiace and others said Jack’s Pub was normally a safe, friendly place that hosted festivals and volleyball matches and attracted a college crowd from Southern Methodist.

But the clientele shifts a bit on Monday nights, when the bar advertises $2 drinks, a packed dance floor with two DJs and a time so good “You won’t believe it’s not Saturday,” according to its website.

Turiace said the fight didn’t cause a big stir in the crowded pub, but its policy is to escort instigators outside after a fight.

“It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary that would lead to this,” he said. “I guess certain people have it in their minds that this is their type of proper justice.”

University Park, a city covering 4.5 square miles, has a low crime rate and doesn’t see many homicides, Brown said.

“This is new to us, but we’re capable of investigating it,” he said, noting that Dallas police were assisting.

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A little out of the ordinary for this site, but this is something that happened in Dallas recently. It’s a sad thing, but my cousin and I were recently joking about Jaguar’s “Gun Hatch” so I made the accompanying advertisement.

I feel really good right now. I feel as though God has shown me direction. I feel as though I know where I’m going and what I’m supposed to be doing. I feel like I know the core that is the god made me.

Knowing who I am in relation to God and what I’ve been made to do has given me a certain peace. The last 6 months + have been surprisingly less anxiety ridden than the ones previous. In the common day to day I don’t feel so much stress. I tend to sleep well at night. I have a hope and vision for the future. Even the “rougher” times lately haven’t been what they used to. I attribute it all to my knowledge of who I am and the direction it has given me.

Thank God.

Most of the time I’m wrapped up in trying to look good. I wear my pants this way and my hat that way etc etc… For what reason? How would looking good help me? Would looking good bring me any closer to God? Then what’s it about? I think, for me, it’s about being wrapped up in what society thinks. I’m too in tune to what people *might* think. In fact, it may be to a point where, as Stefan Sagmeister said, “trying to look good limits my life.”

John the baptist was the guy who lived out in the desert eating locusts, wearing camel hair garb way back in Jesus’ time. Why did he do that? In part, I think it was to contrast the pharisees. The pharisees were the religious leaders of that day. They were hypocritical and completely off track in their view of christianity. John, however, had things figured out and was preaching the true word of God. The pharisees wore beautiful robes and ate wonderfully whereas John didn’t. The difference between me (and the pharisees) and John was that John’s approach to life was to glorify God through everything, including looking rough if it would help people know he was different. I need to be more like John.

Love. Love. Love. What is love? What is true love?

I don’t believe there’s one person that I’m meant to be with. I believe true love could be found in a number of different people. Given that we, as humans, are not perfect, I can’t expect a relationship to be perfect either – so I can’t imagine there being one person whom I could form the perfect true love relationship with. I believe any relationship is flawed from the beginning, but there are, of course, differing degrees of flaws. Some people work together better than others – I think part of finding true love is finding who you click with. At the same time, there will be times in life where all you’re riding on is your decision to love the other person – times when you aren’t clicking and attraction seems foreign. For that reason, I believe true love is born from both a mutual feeling of love and a mutual decision/commitment to loving the other person.

I’ve never experienced true love apart from God. I’m not sure I ever will. I have a hope that I will have true love, but I find no sign of a guarantee.

If you’re like me you have some problem understanding why separation from God is such a horrible punishment – such a horrible punishment that it’s the whole point of hell. Such a horrible thing that sin serves as it’s own punishment because of it’s separation from God.

We were talking about this topic in our small group Monday and someone brought up the idea that Job experienced separation from God – that’s a vivid example of how bad it is. God allowed himself the separate from Job and, in turn, Satan tormented Job, destroying all that he had. If God allowed total separation of the world from himself things would be a disaster. Job’s story would be everyone’s story (though none of us have Job’s faith). Talk about wide-spread panic and destruction, if you think the world is messed up now “you ain’t seen nothing yet.”

But thankfully, God doesn’t totally remove himself from our lives. He always plays a large part. Thankfully our faith won’t be tested like Job’s was. Thankfully my problem is trying to understand how horrible separation is, not the other way around. But, with that explanation I feel I have a better grasp on why separation from God is such a bad deal.

In small group this week we discussed the first chapters in Romans, what I like to call the “Bad News” part of Romans. I enjoyed the chapters and have a greater respect for Paul’s writing after studying this last week. Sometimes it’s so hard for me to see how God could be full of wrath and judgement, but he is and Paul is reminding me of that. Below are some main points/thoughts we covered:

I believe part of the reason Paul wrote Romans the way he did was for contrast.

“without the dark, the light wouldn’t appear as bright.”

Think of a time when you got up in the middle of the night, walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. Has the light ever been overwhelming so that you have to squint – wishing you had sunglasses or something so it wouldn’t be so bright? Think about that same light when it’s turned on during the day – it appears normal, it isn’t overly bright looking. “Without the dark the light wouldn’t appear so bright.” It’s the contrast that makes us realize the true nature of the situation.

Much like the night and the light, Paul is using the first part of romans to show us just how dark things are – how much we’re hurting. In the next parts of romans he’s going to flip that light on and hopefully we’ll be able to recognize salvation for what it truly is – an overwhelmingly bright light in a very dark situation.

Three main points I got from the first part of Romans:

1. Show that we are all guilty of sin.
Romans 3:10-18
‘As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.” “Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit.” “The poison of vipers is on their lips.” “Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.” “Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know.” “There is no fear of God before their eyes.”‘

Or we can change it to read (which is a little harder to take):
‘As the Scriptures say, “No one is good — not even one. No one has real understanding; no one is seeking God. All have turned away from God; all have gone wrong. No one does good, not even one.” “Our talk is foul, like the stench from an open grave. Our speech is filled with lies.” “The poison of a deadly snake drips from our lips.” “Our mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.” “We are quick to commit murder. Wherever we go, destruction and misery follow us. We do not know what true peace is.” “We have no fear of God to restrain us.”‘

2.Show that we are all deserving of god’s wrath and judgement.

3. Show there’s no amount of rationalizing or disputing of our sins that will save us – we are powerless to save ourselves from death.

Romans 3:20: “For no one can ever be made right in God’s sight by doing what his law commands. For the more we know God’s law, the clearer it becomes that we aren’t obeying it.”